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Watching yesterday's episode and seeing Naina turning a blind eye to Swati's pain made me introspect on Naina's inherent nature.
Second Part of the post Below
Is she selfish by nature?Is it a survival mechanism?Has it forced on her by circumstances?
My understanding of Naina core character is
1)She desperately seeks approval from people and works very hard to be accepted by people who matter to her
2)She can sacrifice anything and bend over backwards for the approval of the person she wants.In this process of getting approval she always puts the other person and his demands first.
3) Once she gets their approval and is confident of not losing it,she starts putting her needs and priorities ahead of theirs.In this process she might hurt people close to her,but she doesn't care because she doesn't think about how they might feel at all.
4) If the other person(whom she hurts) threatens to withdraw approval or transfers any negative consequence to her,Naina again goes into "You first,me second"mode.She apologizes profusely and bends over backwards for their approval again
5)If the other person meekly submits and does not transfer the pain or the negative consequence of Naina's action back to her,Naina continues in "Me first" mode.
In a nutshell,once a relationship reaches an equilibrium Naina will keep putting her needs ahead of others till the other person threatens withdrawal of approval or a negative consequence.
Now let me explain this in detail:
Naina is child who has no mother.She has been rejected by her father from the day of her birth and constantly strives for his approval.She was brought up in a house where she was the "unwanted one". The only person who gave her a semblance of approval were Anand and Bela. But their approval came with implicit conditions. Naina could get Anand's approval as long as she was obedient,dutiful,excelled in studies and behaved the way he thought a good girl should behave.In her desperation for approval and acceptance,Naina moulded herself to be just what Anand wanted her to be.Her obedience and excellence in studies gives her approval in school too. Thus Naina grows up to be a person who lives her life always striving for the approval of others.
But at heart Naina is a free bird.She loves romantic movies and dreams of falling in love.She looks upto Shefali because Shefali is all that Naina wants to be but can never actually dare to be.And then comes the twist in the tale.Enter Sameer Maheswari and Naina actually falls in love.With this Naina starts walking a tightrope and the behaviour of Naina changes.
1) Anand:
Now Anand's approval is a rolling benchmark.To continue getting Anand's love,she has to continue being a good girl and excelling in studies.So with Anand,the power equation is always in Anand's favour.There is no equilibrium point.So things never move to step 3.
But with friends,it is different
2) Swati:
When the power equilibrium is reached with Swati,Naina starts putting herself first.Naina sees to it that Swati is punished so that she can get the coveted role with Sameer in the play. In the election too,Naina both puts forward and withdraws Swati's name without asking her consent.She does this very naturally because "she does not even think that Swati will be hurt by her actions."This is where my third point starts working. "Once she gets their approval and is confident of not losing it,she starts putting her needs and priorities ahead of theirs".
But with Swati,the relationship moves from stage 3 to stage 4:When Swati is hurt,she shows it.When Naina tried to take away her lead role,Swati made it clear to her that it was not done.Similarly I am sure Naina will suffer some consequence of neglecting Swati during the election.Hence (I am sure) Naina will apologize profusely to Swati and bend over backwards to assuage her till the relationship goes back to stage 3
3) Munna:
With Munna too,her relationship is in level 3.But when Sameer said that Munna did not want the two of them to get back,her relationship with Munna was suddenly catapulted into stage 4.Munna threaened to withdraw approval and take away Sameer from her.In desperation Naina threatens suicide.She also apologizes profusely and calls Munna her best friend.This actions restores equilbrium and the relationship goes back to stage 3.
4) Sameer:
The relationship with Sameer is unique.It started from Stage 1(desperation for approval),lingered a long time in stage 2(bent over backwards for approval) and then after Sameer also bends over backwards(post bet stage)equilibrium is reached.But her relationship with Sameer is unique because it is the ONLY relationship which almost never goes to stage 4.From stage 3 it directly goes to stage 5.Sameer never transfers his pain to her..So Naina is never directly affected by her actions towards Sameer.The relation ship is never in any threat of losing acceptance or disapproval from Sameer..So Naina continues doing what she wants to do..And she will continue doing so till Sameer openly tells her that he is hurt by any action of hers and transfers his pain to her.
I believe that these two inherent traits of Naina -constantly seeking approval and putting her needs before others in an quilibrium relationship will be her bane in the long run.This is where I think her GS thing will be a huge blessing.A GS post gives her open and legitimate approval.She no longer has to strive for approval.In her period as a GS,it is likely that Naina's confidence will soar and her inherent nature to bend over backwards for approval will permanently change.This will bring a huge positive change in her.Secondly,as GS,the relationship is not an equilibrium one.It is one where she is more powerful(a first in her life).It is important that she uses this power to develop empathy and sensitivity towards the feelings and pain of others.If she does,over a period of time her nature of putting herself first will also change.This is Naina's chance to develop into a mature and well balanced person .It is upto Naina to use her chance wisely.
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